i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I still have a little drunk in my system
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
