Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
