if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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