I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
