Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
