I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
