You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
