I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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