i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just googled if crying burns calories
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
