put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
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our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
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He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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