At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize