I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I can't put those talents on a resume
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
