I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
