If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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