i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
