a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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