Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He kissed a someone with a penis
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
