when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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