so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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