we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
