I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
