Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
