she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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