My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
