we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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