I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
accomplished twins. life is a go
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
