I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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