this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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