I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
