My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
