Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
