how can u be prego again
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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