I wish I only lived at night.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
