did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
