This girl is more easily done than said...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
