I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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