life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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