yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
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Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
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I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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