i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
