never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Lo siento on account of my penis...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
