I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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