Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
