Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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