whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize