you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
