That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
