Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
