So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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