All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
