Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.