I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
