i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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