I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
