I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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