this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize