i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
from now on my penis is your penis
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
