My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
